Smashed...

Near to six hours to go before the preparation again. However, mood and physical conditions are smashed totally.

Wonder what's wrong with my sleep again. Must be the anxiety of trying to get my duties swapped. On top of it, the dizzy stars visited a couple of times today. The body aches seem to be signs of "ENOUGH"!!! Am I too stress over nothing? Not eating and resting well enough?

Frustrations!!!

Listening to songs did not soothe mood. Tried all genres, in the end, tears filled the emptiness of a pretty lost world. Chin up!!!

Just hope to doze off at least to comfort self. It's Bibi and Elmo world... wonder what the conversations will be like. A shoulder to cry on... Smashed... mentally, physically and emotionally. AHhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHH.... go away!!! Hate this feeling right now!!!!!!!!!

Spending my time

I did what I set out to do... from cleaning my bathroom and bedroom to changing of my bed sheet. Feels good nice and fresh to sleep in... then again, my sleeping pattern sucks.

Been quite unlucky with my duties. Wanting to get home is such a task. Sometimes I just feel like giving up! Just hoping some kind soul will take on my duties.

Just back from watching Liverpool VS Arsenal. Not a fan of both, so went to the sports bar just to spend my time alone away, an excuse to drink after a week! Friends talked about Halloween and what to wear etc. Come to think of it, a long time since I dressed for that. Not really into it though. Can I be normal to be abnormal on that day?

A sudden attack too once again from that same old friend... Sometimes I wish I can really read what's on his mind and heart. It has been years these nonsenses dragged. I wonder if he is serious or not many times. However, acknowledging it and let it pass is still the key to minus yet another troubled mind.

Things are getting complicated on the other hand for me. Don't know if I am handling it correctly or simply very wrong. Pretty lost and confused. If only things were that simple... then happiness will not have to be searched for.

As long as that someone is happy, I guess I will be. Then again, what can I do? This much to say, that much to mention but only the limited can surface. Feeling the weight as days go by. Asking myself to be practical, rational and not emotional.

For now, all I want is time back home. Hoping that things can fall into place for me to be just home sweet home. I miss spending my time at where I belong....

Here's to all, have a great start for a new week, welcoming November, I can hear the jingle bells!!!!!!!!!

The Unexpected

The unexpected.

It comes with growth.

The unexpected.

It comes with struggles.

The unexpected.

It comes with uncertainties.

Conversations started on a casual note. With an unexpected click in the air.

They grew with sharing fair. From casual to personal note.

They vary from subjects and depths away. From the dailies to the past to the future.

From silly smiles to laughters that mature. Anything under the sky of miles away.

They progressed to a level. On a mutual basis.

Then it hits right on the beats of oasis. Personalised now at a level.

Claws surround the objects.

Clouds envelope the objects.

Cruelty cloud the objects.

Comfort between the objects.

Far it may be. Never it seem to be. Moments shall be. As memories make be.Whatever shall be, will be.

As much as that needs to be done and told.
All it can behold stretches more than imagination.

How long can the beholding be, that's the fear on hold.

The control of growth or not, yet to be in decision.

The constant heartbeats, like those when on a ride.

What more can be that real, it is tough to hide.

The aches that come along, without realisation.

The facts that are present, with recognition.

The little ins and outs, injected life in the objects.

On a unique basis of shared subjects, open yet in the dark hideouts.

The world that huge to be discovered, yet beheld within.

The shared melts in, a special blend that is tough to be denied and rejected.

The unexpected.

The growth of objects, probably meant to be.

The unexpected.

The confessions of secrets, probably meant to be kept.

The unexpected.

The sharing of lives, probably meant to be in that unique way.

What is Going On?

What is going on?

Laughing away at a party scene as friends got high and were in actions.

Drinking one after the other as the hours went on and music rolls.

Dancing the last hour off to celebrate the ending of a good and fun night.

Talking till the wee hours of the morning as to catch up and spend time away.

Nothing seems to take over what's on the mind even if a million things were in progress.

Mind ran through miles as heart beats.

Sleep seeped in as tiredness calls.

Thoughts awakened as eyes open.

Wait awaited as hours pass.

Decisions popped as senses sway.

What is going on?

Happy Birthday, Mummy!

It's this time of the year again... my beloved mummy's birthday. For the past two years including this, I have not been able to spend her birthday with her. Just made a long distance call to her to wish her happiness from the bottom of my heart. Chatted near to an hour to catch up as well. All I can feel now is that gripping in my heart and the uncontrollable tears. I do miss her in many ways. Memories flew to where my journey began with her. Those were not my best memories but I am glad we both made it this far to be this close now. To mummy, you are the best and yes, I do mean it when I say, "I LOVE YOU", every single time. In fact, I can never express that amount of love I have for you. You are the best mum to me in the world!

She who lost her sanity, did not know what is insanity.

She who cried daily, did not want a semi family.

She who fought the pain, not knowing if she will gain.

She who went through it, did not want a bottom pit.

She who saw us grow, did not want us low.

She who loves us in silence, is probably still lack of confidence.

She who understands us, discovers who we are without fuss.

She who is she today, a wonderful, best gift to me everyday.

Have you paused and think, how great your mum is? Every mum is special to their own.
To Ying Ying, who is struggling to be a mummy, you are never a lousy one. Never too lousy for that little life that you are beholding now. You are already the best mummy in the world!

Review...

Just back from yet another Manchester trip. Yes, yes, wow wee, Manchester Airport... did the usual, online session. Was a rather memorable session though, with pricks at heart but a sort of warmth that envelopes within. Sobz....

Reviewed the checklist for October, checked only two. Oops, am left with 16 days to make the rest happen. Haha... at least cooked a meal for friends and cleared some stuff from my lappie.

Included three Music Videos from You tube. Beyond - "Love". Bibi with Chinese songs? Oh no! Beyond is the only cheena band I listen to during school days. The song, "Love", being my favourite from the band, hit me hard with the lyrics recently. The other two videos, "I Wanna Grow Old with You", has really meaningful applicable lyrics too... added the original MV and the other cartoonish version. Do hope you guys enjoy a little of them.

Slept after the trip, really knock out. Guess I really did "walked" to and from Manchester! Now on Heineken and chilling with new found music, from The Real HypnotiX, evil evil! Oh is it Sunday? Ah.... another week gone... wake me up when October is over! I am so looking forward to my leave in November! Singapore, friends and party, here I am, on the way soon!

Beyond-Love

I Wanna Grow Old With You Music Video

westlife; I wanna grow old with you

How many times have you fallen in love?

"How many times have you fallen in love?"

I was thrown with this question and it got me thinking. What went through was a search of that long lost feeling. Putting myself to those times, not many, when that mesmerising feeling dwell from within and became more than words can describe. What went through my mind too was the past. Hmmm... wondered if they really loved me. I heart those who did love me. Some tried to, some, just don't and never.
As I heard and seen the things guy friends do for their girlfriends, hey you lucky girls! Don't ask me, the pain left behind was that over bearing that happy memories are tough to sort out. Nevertheless, that feeling of being in love is something that I have been missing. Probably something I left there and then, it died and was never alive again. The next question was, then why was I with those after that? What was it when it was not love? Companionship? Trying to be with one? Hoping that by trying it will turn out to be something that last? Funny, how a simple question led to many others. Oh, falling in love... will it ever happen to me again?

Looking for love, there's no need to as it comes most unexpectedly.

Omitting love, it sometimes cannot be help as it comes sincerely.

Verifying love, there's no need to as it speaks truthfully.

Explaining love, it sometimes cannot be define as it belongs individually.

For those of you who are in love and walking the path with that someone you love, keep that love growing.

For those who are in love with someone without their knowledge, don't despair but keep loving dare!

For those who are in love with the wrong person, it's not your fault, one day, you will be love by someone who deserve it better.

For those who think you are out of love and feeling lost, brace, what is meant to be will be.

For all in, out or of no love... love is still in the air, somewhere, somehow it will hit you!!!

Helplessly Sleepless

It's the early morning and I again. Bibi sleepless again.. ha, what's new?!? Yesterday was a day of traffic, supermarket spree and cooking!

Caught near to 2 hrs of sleep before heading out, almost dragging. I had to as I promised to cook and needed to top up the necessities at home. It could easily be a job done in Singapore within an hour. I took more than 4hours to complete a trip for groceries and toiletries! This included waiting for a cab (no other choices), getting there with traffic, on the job shopping, in a cab queue for an hour and back home stuck on roads! Oh ya, and I bumped into that him again at the lobby... total strangers now. Childish but I did not start it but give up trying to be friends when one is of such mentality!

By the time I got home, dinner preparations rolled. Just in time for the friends I invited (or should I say they happily volunteered?). Dinner was Bibi's chicken curry with rice and french baguette. Rice was not for me!!!

Photos taken by Jacky Thia. Gerald caught in action!!!

Along came Heineken beer! Yum! Dessert was ice cream along with the chattery chattery session! Chatted over issues on job, food, places to visit, investments, China ladies, navy boys, bumping into old mates, outings and etc. Thanks, Gerald, Kaew, Jacky and Terry, for the evening and helping to wash the dishes, phew!

I have not really slept in days. I just don't know what's going on with my bio clock! Tick tock, on my zzz clock! Probably got to learn to free my mind from those clogs!

SMILES

Sincerity at heart

Motion of throbs

Interaction with truth

Love by surprise

Echos of images

Songs of thoughts

Smiles... when were the last because you really want to?

Smiles... when were the last because someone made your day?

Smiles... when were the last because your heart smiled?

Smiles... when were the last because you were missing someone?

Smiles... when were the last because you felt the same?

Smiles... when were the last because you thought it was silly?

Smiles... when were the last because you know someone is watching over you?

Smiles... when were the last because we really were high and cannot help but smile?

Smiles... when were the last because of the many reasons we could name?

Have you been smiling? Smiles with and from your heart? Here's to all, keep smiling, even if it may just be a dream...

Another day of...

Working again at weird hours of the morning... was in a state of battle with decision. To go or not to go. Then again, why waste time sitting around in a cold lonely place when I can at least gain warmth and feel live somewhere else? Decided to take the chance. Let that day decide if I will get to where I belong for some TLC!

Had my favourite avocado juice today, did not expect someone to like it as well. Ha... Ar well.. if you have not tried avocado juice, grab one! It is nutritious and yummy!

Dragging myself to get prepared as I listen to Diana Krall's...

Wishing those back home had a good Friday party night and hell of a weekend!

Another day of... turning!

Summer

Summer days are meant to be bright and cheerful.
With all the activities out in the warmth and colourful.
Summer for you and me could be different every year.
What did you do this summer and wish for next coming year?

I took a look at all those left behind from back then.
What I was aiming for was a confirmation at the end.
My heart beats like normal, tears were held.
I got confuse in the middle of my acts, withheld.
Took a ride back to those days when moments brought smiles.
Disembarked at a point to see the past miles.
The familiar nicks, emails and sms were deleted.
The ability to delete the photos we share as memories, aborted.
I asked myself if that was holding back.
I don't think so, it's just a small pocket for back track.
Threads to remind self what I have done right.
Pointers for self to do better for the next height.

This summer were full of actions that I had not expected.
From unwelcome surprises, health reactions and the unexpected.
All seems to be coming to an end, welcoming the next season.
Then again, whatever is going to happen, will, for a reason.

I Will Always Be With You

Dedicating this to my Kobi. Also to Kelvin and Boddie. And to those out there who is missing someone... lost someone dear... or feel in a way far from a love one...

I will always be with you,

Makes no difference where your road takes you to.

Even if we are apart but we are joined at the hearts.

Our moments may be gone, we will live on.

I will always be with you,

I will be by your side in whatever you do.

Memories may fade but the ones we made are eternal as the stars.

Now i m proud of who you are.

I will be there when you are in the sound of laughter,

I will be in the tears of cry.

Because the way you and I have touched one another,

Does not end with just a goodbye.

I will always be with you,

Like a guardian angel, constant and true.

When you are lost in the night and you can't see the light,

My love will see you through.

I will always be there,

You'll have me there.

I will always be with you.

Parcel surprise, Manchester, Children's Day!

This morning I received a pleasant surprise before I made my way here. A parcel containing cereal, chocolates and nougat bars, along with a photo! It not only came as a surprise but a heart warming touch from a sweet friend from home. It was like a Children's Day prezzie for me! Thank you, YEW, for the effort, thought and time!

The trip here to Manchester (airport, not city), was not as bad as the last I had. In fact, I can describe it as peaceful and friendly!
Then again I was unlucky enough to get hurt once again. The bridge of my nose was bruised. At first with a tiny bump which now turned hope not an evident bruise. The impact at first created a brim of tears. Not to also mention my poor weak nails in the process of recovery. Guess what I discovered too? Dry and rough hands! Oh no... what is happening? Not to mention..... er the horizontal growing factors!

Weather's really nice here. Cool at about 13 degrees Celsius. A pity to not able to get out further for an adventure or two! I am sitting at the hotel's lobby as there was only wireless connection in the room. Better than none, since it is free for all guests. Pausing once awhile from lappie to people and their trolley and luggage. Life is such a scene at times, fast moving with no looking back.

Since it is Children's day, lots of memories too with those little elmoies! Here's wishing the little elmoies, A VERY HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY! I do remember all of you, for those who think I am old and forgetful, and I miss those good old days! Whatever you little kids (or should I say grown up kids) are doing and dreaming to do, I sincerely wish you the best and like before, anytime you need me, even when I am miles away... I will be there!