Check List for October

1. Vitamins intake daily.
2. 3 Litres of water daily (excluding alcohol).
3. Cook a meal for friends (chicken curry requested).
4. Avoid coffee when sleepy.
5. Party after Ramadan!
6. Save for mummy's trip (means no shopping).
7. Delete items from lappie to free memory space.
8. A weekend visit to SIN for friends and party (swaps of duties!!!).
9. Snapshots of Venice.
10. Checked this list by end October.
11. Others to be added as it comes along.....

Cleaning and charging day!

I woke up this morning feeling my back aching. Last night there was such a pain that stretched through. I wondered if this job is really getting into my health!

Despite that, I wanted to clean my room. It got dusty again! I am also afraid that the amount of hair I am losing will turn me into a "Botak"soon! Started with my mirrors, to my desks and floor. Now it is clean but give them a few more days, it's going to be the same again. Till then another whipping up! I realised my two mobiles were flat on battery too! So is my ipod nano! In short today is my cleaning and charging day!

Done with that for now. The rest of the day will be back to MSN and catching up with a new series of drama online!

Off to Manchester tomorrow morning. Just hoping getting there will not break me into pieces. No wow wow. I am stationed only at the hotel at the airport. How sad! My lappie will be with me though to get me through a night in Manchester airport, not city!

For the rest of you, hope your weekend was better. Spent some time with love ones and friends? If not, you better!

Free from All...

Set me free from the strings attached from before.

Grant me free from the guilt not for me to bear.

Untie me free from the emotions for the unworthy.

Unfold me free from the little secrets in the dark.

Allow me free from the turmoil of self pity.

Press me free from the creases created.

Push me free from the false impressions I gather.

Pull me free from the tales of love.

Break me free from the chain of thoughts.

Let me be Free from All...

Perhaps

July and August were not not good months for me. The series of events that brought me down, had me into a few comas. I thought September will be a high month... As September is coming to an end, feeling low is not yet an end. Started with another event which I felt helpless about. Please wake me up when September ends. Duties and examinations came an end too. I should feel good and way to go. Health, mood and thoughts do not seem to go in the high, they all get lower each day of September. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Wonder if there's a way to fix it, it starts with within!!!

Feeling low is not something anyone like. Sometimes disappearing will be the temporary solution. Thereafter, what's the key to feel high? Disgusted with self, searching for the I I used to be.

Perhaps this low is something I have to feel to find myself again.

Perhaps I miss those very stressful yet meaningful days with endless, priceless gain.

With the little lives in my hands that I behold in my heart, they keep me alive!

Perhaps there is something new for me out there that has yet to arrive.

Perhaps I should move on to my next goal in life instead of worrying the drive.

Perhaps it is time for me to put a stop to my lows and invite the highs of life.

Perhaps this is not the place I should linger in, that tend to stall my life.

Perhaps there is something I am holding on to, yet failing to admit it.

Perhaps I am not at all OK, yet telling myself to move on with it.

Perhaps what left me crying still hurts.

Perhaps I stood with pain all this while hiding the hurts.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

Let it go...

Move on...

Let it go...

Brave on...

Simplest Things

What are the things that make you happy, bring smiles, envelope warmth?

As time ticks away, phases, people and routines go by in a blink. All this time, have we wasted any that could have been simply happy? As humans, we complain loads with our job, people we have to deal with, things that happened not to our desire and life in general. Ever thought of if only things were simple enough to handle? They say humans complicate the simplest things, true most of the time, isn't it? When we were younger, the simplest things were welcome and acknowledged as treasures. As we get older, knowledge and exposure somehow created a wall of maybe what we call self defense. Not believing that simplest things are just simple. We dig into matters that are the littlest to be fearful of. We speak into our minds. We don't even comprehend words or actions sometimes. Probably all this while if we welcome the simplest, we would be happier.

In a stereo room, with head pointing down, holding breath, will you feel less alone thinking of the simplest things? Nothing in this world we really own. Our life we call own. Grabbing what you can and leaving the rest, is that call simple?

Simplest things are just happening to us everyday. Will that be enough to make us gay?

Hoping all of you are smiling with the simplest things that can happen to you today!

Me, Myself and I

Tossing and turning again in bed. Again?!!!!!? Heee jeeeez, I can't help it either. Not been well as far as I know (too lazy to visit a doctor for a minor thing, already knowing what kinda medication they are going to prescribe).

Things that ought to be done were put aside. These few sickie days have been just Me, Myself and I. The usual scenes, smells, sounds and banging thoughts in my world. Knowing the need to move forth to the real world yet the unknown pull factors. Knowing something new ought to be done for my own well-being yet no push factors. Probably a waste of time all this while, how can I do that!!!

Am I reflecting too much? Thinking of the unnecessary? Feeling the abnormal? Searching for the unknowns? Yearning for the yet to arrives? Seeing the unreals? Thought I was doing well, then again I guess I did skip a few steps or tend to slide backwards.

Telling myself tomorrow will be a better day, a new beginning always.... Me, Myself and I....

HE

Never can I really hate HE, in fact I still love HE.
HE gave me a life from the beginning with her.
The childhood days were spent with little time and images of HE.
On the motorcycle that took me round the car park, waving back to her.
The outings that my little fingers were led.
My heart sprang with laughter as I felt the love.
I would feel as if happiness in my little life is always led.

Every image of HE was gentle and all about love.

When things for HE fell apart, it went berserk for the rest of us.

We were as lost and scared as HE can be.

We struggled through storms and raced to live as us.

There were days that I was not functioning as able to be.

The tears and pain that rocked through my days and night.

The confusion of what the future ahead lies.

I lived and slept with nightmares ringing from day to night.

I pictured that love and peace were just pure lies.

Wondered why HE gave up thinking for others.

Why all the troubles that became never ending till now.

That feeling of very much less loved compared to others.

That helping cry cannot live a life for HE from now.

A need to move on for own future and a life of own.

That pain in the heart pierced through leaving internal wounds.

Nothing can turn back time for the happiness that we called our own.

Neither can time ever heal the permanent scars of these wounds.

A tiny wish that all will be well for HE.

Whispering through the miles that love for HE is always there.

There will be open doors for HE to take, be a more practical HE.

The memories of HE shattered as love reach out there.

HE will always be the HE I want to remember as.

Gentle, motivating, loving, understanding, humorous, charismatic, patient, a friend.

As much as I want to run and hug HE to say I love HE,

That courage has long died along with the disappointments and pain HE caused.

HE, I wish HE was like other HE figures.

All the HE kind of love I miss from young will never come to me.

Still, He is HE....

Green Tea Attack

The trip to Nagoya was one filled with memories of food and barbie doll session!Not sushi or sashimi but from green tea sweets to ice cream to tidbits to cakes and biscuits!Not a grooming class but an exchange of "cultural sets of clothes". Made in SIN vs UAE. Ha!


Caught up with a school mate of mine who got me mooncake from Singapore! Yum... Finally catching up with some of the festive mood of home.


The whole meeting was about buying food and eating from the start of the catching up session till the end of it when I fell asleep. Oh ya, not forgetting Asahi black beer we had! It was a great time of chatting and poking fun at each other. For being so thoughtful, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate the time spent yaking of those school days and stuffing down a big fat dessert buffet of our own!


I am feeling very fat since the return but still eating non stop with the green tea stuff I bought. Oh oh... guess I better start burning them off with today... run Bibi run!

Duhhhh!

It has been the second week into my cold. Getting better but still feeling that nasal and the cough is getting on my nerves! Arghhh... And for don't know what reasons, I am feeling kinda duhhhhhh again... sigh... That brings me to think... How do you know you are happy?

My time spent with my peepies back home was a blast! Short though and I am missing it totally. Sat looking through all the photos taken and that alone brings warmth. Wondering to go or not to go. Why do I always have to make decisions that tears me apart? Haha! Guess time will tell me more. I hope to know soon too. When, where and how?

It's already time for bed and am looking forward to a Nagoya attack! Going to catch a school mate there. I am aiming for lots of green tea stuff in Japan! Wonder how much I am going to spend again.

Till then....

My Day

Another day of mine spent with a box of tissue papers, hot drinks, water and medication. Day 3 of my cold. Starting to get better I should say.

What frustrates me is my sleep. It has been a few weeks that I know I am not well rested. That kind of sleep that I now miss but wonder where it has disappeared too. Maybe I am sleeping all this while but my body is reacting to the sleeping debts I have been owing! Ha... serve me right I guess. I just hope I will recover soon to be able to run the normal activities.

Music has been accompanying me all this while. Each piece is as unique, sets different moods, emotions and thoughts. The instruments alone or used to put together with words that paint pictures. Some pieces are created from past experiences, others future that they look forward to or dreams they dare. They say music is life, it is.

I have been listening to many of my old favourites over and over again. Discovered new ones as well. It's like falling in love again with a different appreciation for each piece.

Being appreciated in a different way by unique listeners.

Relating to experiences that start us as beginners.

Listening to the words that paint a thousand pictures.

Wondering into the worlds of many futures.

Hearting the moments of the little worlds.

Missing all those that make my treasure worlds...

Blessings

How often do we really sit down and count our blessings? Have you, do you, will you?

I did today... being sick I guess I did slow down my thoughts.
When I do count my blessings, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude.

For the friends I have - from school, work, social events and others.
We all lead our own lives now don't we? However, the care and concern that many have showered me with, I cannot describe how much they mean to me. From the littlest thoughts, words and actions, I truly appreciate. I really am blessed with such friends and I am most thankful. They share my life, my innermost thoughts. They stood by my side and gave me support. They feel without being told. They understand without being asked. They care for me passionately and help me see things in a different light.
My ups and downs are just so much better with them around!

For the little "elmoies" I have - they have moved to the next stage of school life.
The little efforts to say hi and drop me a few lines. Recently one called me to ask how I am, just as when I needed it most. The other sent an email to update on his progress.
A very innocent text came on my phone the other day when I was in London.
"Hi, I can't sleep, because I remember you... what are you doing....? Love, Hanan...."
That name strikes, my heart melted that instant and memories poured through. I know at least I have made a difference. They make a difference in my life too.
And by the way, it's Teachers' Day, Happy Teachers' Day to those who have made a difference and those who are making a difference to the world's little gifts.
You cannot make a difference to every single one but even to just one, it makes that one's world different!

For the family I have, the goodness in my life, for every breath I take, for all the big and small things, even the littlest, tiniest, microscopic ones ... aren't all these blessings?
I thank you... for those who have been part of my life...

For you out there, start counting your blessings today! Surprise yourself and be blessed!