Pains I am Used To

Pains, mental, emotional, physical, any of these you are experiencing?The three categories have been with me, tagging along, sometimes they surface in a more solid form. How do I deal with them? Hee, I choose to recognise them, provide solutions, or simply ignore them.

Mentally, things that are stressing me hunt me, things I want to forget, floating like clouds I can never get rid. Of course, some are beyond my control. It's a matter of how strong I can fight in my state of mind. Being homesick, is it a state of mental pain?

Emotionally, one of the toughest for me. Being "emo, emorer and emorest", I am at my weakest most of the times. Fighting the battle in a solo state. Game over? Tried trying. Game over again? Tried trying again. It goes on, part of life. It helps each to grow. I guess I am in that state of not being able to feel in certain aspects. *laughs* Being away from home, I know those who care worry, hope the best for me. Me being me, I seldom confide in people. I believe in solving my own instead of adding to other's. Is that being independent? Of course, there are times, I really wish there is a soulmate to share my ups and downs. The soulmate - still in the midst of fog. *shrugs* Or maybe never going to be there... My heart goes out to those I miss back home too. Sometimes, the missing goes beyond control and pain. As much as I want to be there for many of them, all I can do is be here as much as they are for me. Thanks to technology, distance is not total silence. However, that lack of something is always in the air.

Physically, my back problem is causing limited movements, restricted routines these recent few times. After work, I simply feel the pain and strain. I insist till now not to visit the doctor for I fear the outcome and I am stone stubborn. With my work schedule that is coming up in March, it seems to be encouraging me to go for a good visit. I can forsee the consequences. Ouch-me-Ouch. Laying down in bed with my lappie is the best I can live on now.

Pains I am used to, how long can I bear with all?
Signs of me giving up ringing, waving and waking me up.
I guess this entry is really transparent, showing the other side of the cheerful me. No worries all, Bibi can do it, if she wants to! Just an outlet here to pour for I am not in a good state for now, just temporary.
Life is short, moments gone, moments to become.
Pains I am used to, go and come.