Lost and Confused?

Recently someone dropped me a message of how one of my blogs, "Goals", has touched him. I cannot remember what I wrote and when I tried retrieving it, there was an network error. I am glad it inspired him. Ironically at this point in time, I am lost and confused about the goal I have first set out to achieve while I am here.

Do not get me wrong. I am satisfied with what I first set out to accomplish. However, being alone out here is making my mental and emotional health bars fluctuating to a level of insanity! How can I describe it? Maybe with age, changing environment, commitments etc, my goals in life tend to alter as well. With setbacks that I faced, emotional issues that I have been handling and independence aka loneliness that I have been carrying upon own shoulders... are all too much for me now. Somehow if you ask me where do I go from here, my answer would be a question mark. I expect a miracle? Not really, they do not happen to me as far as I am concern. I expect a door? Maybe, but will it be a door that leads to a right path or a door that leads to another alley with unreachable height of wall at the end of it?

I teared quietly as I dealt with all,

Not that I can really describe,

I just felt lost without friends standing tall.

I am surrounded with freaky tribe.

I slumped with heavy shoulders,

Not knowing what to do next,

I am looking for some kind of moulders,

To guide me to the very next.

I ran through my resources,

Somehow desperate to find a direction,

I seemed to be banging only on the sources.

I am not just not mentally and emotionally in direction.

I tell myself again to look at positives,

All things will flow in time of executions.

I cannot stop but got dressed down with the negatives.

I am looking far and out for the timed resurrections.

I need to make a good decision,

With lots of others into consideration.

I cannot afford to act on impulsion,

I can only wait with careful consideration.

I felt beaten as an individual,

Even with the past achievements.

I need to find the mutual,

I can only manage with commitments.

I am lost and confused,

Too many uncertainties that are critical and trivial,

I am heading to be fused.

I want to be once again just that girl who is jovial!

I do not feel good at this place,
Nor at this moment in time.
I wish to see an end to this sort of race.
I just want that moment in time.

I have to tell myself this,
No matter how tough,
I got to hang on as it is.
I am to face the rough.

I just need this space to drive my innermost turmoils. Another point I must drive at, let's not give up but encourage one another in this course of life. Let's remind one another, life is all about learning all the time! And yes, I am still looking forward to that one moment in time... in many areas of my life to be!