It's Only Pain and I

Been a long while since I pen my emotions and thoughts.
Was pretty lost with my own world till now and with all the odds.
I left myself at that moment in time,
still wondering why and how I swallowed and did it.
That silence which I knew was it.
The shadow I missed and am still missing.
The unknowns left in the air that left me with nothing.
The simplicity of people to people now on a compilation of complications.
Isn't it in the hands of ours to just work things out with considerations?
No matter how I try to piece the puzzle, I see a finger pointing at me.
As if all else had failed because it was me that led it to be.
No matter how I try to breathe, that air seemed to be polluted.
Negatives glued in and kept me through threatened.
Everything in my dailies, screens and world is misunderstood.
I seek for an instrument to be understood.
Went sinking into the past,
The future with no blast.
The feeling in my soul no longer brighter than sunshine.
They say the light in my path will be soon in the shine.
Let the rain fall, I got that feeling stuck in my soul.
That sudden rush of tears and everything else a foul.
The beginning was a start that I thought will be a destination.
Now my dreams dashed with that one sentence to resignation.
The colours painted erased upon disbelief.
Not for me, probably for the other's relief.
I found myself so far off from where I saw my way.
I have to shut that path down and go through sway.
No more waiting then there will not be aching.
There is nothing more for me to keep me beating.
I looked at the different corner created,
That magical moment that keep me saned.
Was that not what we treasured?
The fears of being used.
I don't dare anymore, the present feeling of being used,
With lots more and confused.
The little faith now into thin air.
Was there a good enough try and fair?
I have been trying to fill up my days,
There is no room in my heart with rays.
I cried for angels,
Hoping to see eagles.
I can't help myself, how does it feel?
I am touched with friends who feel.
I am down on the floor,
Where I was before.
We been so far and flying high,
Now to see it gone, with a big sigh.
I am here, it's only pain.
I have to start again.
It struck me with decisions I cannot make.
Though I know I am at stake.
It does not matter, I am on my own.
Just in line in lost town.
I don't know the girl I used to be.
I don't know if I know me.
I am far away from home,
To recognise what's not alone.
In my shoes,
It's impossible to choose.
I wonder if I can learn to crawl,
To make a come back with no scars of fall.
I had enough and I am thinking of the words,
The done, finished past, broken swords.
Where do I,
What can I,
Why am I,
Who am I?